Emotional Intelligence in Managing Anger

Importance of Emotional Intelligence in Managing Anger

There are five basic competencies that comprise the field of Emotional Intelligence. The first three are Intra-personal, that is they are invisible to others and occur inside of us. The last two are inter-personal that is they occur between us and other people and are observable in our behavior. The better developed your intra-personal skills; the easier it is to demonstrate your inter-personal skills.
1. Emotional Self-Awareness – Having the skills to focus your attention on your emotional state. Being aware, in-the-moment, of what you're feeling. Are you happy, excited, worried, or angry? Given that information about your emotional state, what should (or shouldn't) you do or say next? Use that information to help you make effective decisions to achieve better outcomes for yourself and others.
2. Emotional Self-Regulation – Having the skill to be able to choose the emotions you want to experience, rather than being the victim of whatever emotions occur. Not letting others "push your buttons." Possessing the ability to manage your emotional state. Do not confuse this with "burying” or "stuffing" your feelings. The skill to choose the emotions you want – typically to be able to transform negative draining emotional states into positive productive ones.
3. Emotional Self-Motivation – The ability to use your emotions to cause yourself to take positive action, to continue to persistently pursue goals even in the face of significant adversity or difficulty. This is about using your emotions to be positive, optimistic, confident, and persistent rather than negative, pessimistic and second guessing yourself and your decisions.
4. Empathy – Not to be confused with sympathy. Possessing the ability to listen effectively and accurately enough to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Not to necessarily agree with them, but to truly understand the situation from their point of view in order to improve communication, problem-solving, and trust.
5. Nurturing Relationships – The ability to demonstrate sincere care (as contrasted with "required courtesy") for others. Through word and deed, demonstrate appreciation for people's efforts and contribution. Setting a positive tone of cooperation no matter how difficult the situation or conversation. Having other's best interests in mind while focusing on achieving goals to create win-win outcomes.
All of the above information is a part of Danial Goleman’s “Emotional Intelligence at work and are incorporated into the Anderson & Anderson model of Anger Management.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD