Emotional Intelligence Is Important in Managing Anger

'Emotional Intelligence' is a neat metaphor that borrows from the notion of IQ. It implies that some people are better at handling emotions than others. It also hints that you might be able to increase your EQ. EQ offers a useful set of guidelines for doing just this. Independent of any other skill enhancement, Emotional Intelligence increases communication skills and decreases stress and anger. It is the single most significant factor in anger management.

The Anderson & Anderson anger management curriculum is based on the importance of skills in four areas: anger management, stress management, assertive communication and emotional intelligence. EQ is by far the most popular of the four skill sets.

Self-awareness
Being emotionally self-aware means knowing how you feel in “real time.” Self-knowledge is the first step in being able to handle emotions. If you can see them and name them, then you at least have a chance to do something about them. This is especially true in recognizing your own triggers for anger and stress.

Emotional literacy
Emotional literacy means being able to label emotions precisely. This includes the emotions of others and especially yourself. It also means being able to talk about emotions without getting overly emotional or (as happens with many people) denying them. Emotional literacy is not using ‘I feel...’ statements to offer opinions, ideas, etc. Thus 'I feel that is a good idea' is not emotional literacy, while 'I feel angry' is. (Men appear to have more difficulty recognizing and naming feelings than women) Emotional literacy combined with assertive communication increases ones’ ability to effectively interact with others and improves interpersonal relationships.

Empathy & compassion
Empathy is the ability to feel and understand the emotions of others. If you can respond empathically, you can engender trust, as people desperately want to be understood at the emotional level. It also means appreciating and accepting differences between people, accepting that we have different priorities and capabilities around emotion.

Balance
The ability to balance feelings and logic in making decisions leads to good balanced decisions. Emotion should not be abandoned, lest mechanical and unfelling decisions are made. Nor should logic be abandoned unless you want a non-sensical outcome. The key to success in decision making is balance.

Responsibility
Emotional Intelligence means taking primary responsibility for your own emotions and happiness. You cannot say that others “made” you feel the way you feel. Although they may be instrumental, the responsibility is yours, just as if you kill someone, there is no argument that says that someone else made you do it.

So What
Emotions are one of the main obstacles that negative communications and persuasions. Once people start getting upset at one another, rationalism goes out of the window. If you can identify and control your own emotions you have good chance of winning any argument. If you can sense the emotions of others, you have a chance to change them. And of course it all starts with yourself and your own emotions.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF
www.andersonservices.com
www.anger-management-resources.org
www.aaamp.org
www.angertrends.blogspot.com