If You Don’t Like Something, Change It

If you can’t change it, learn to accept it.

Perception is everything

The way we appraise (see) our environment at any given time is important in determining how we respond emotionally. If we appraise a situation as a threat, put-down, or an insult, we are more likely to respond with anger. If we appraise a situation positively, our response will be positive. Two people can appraise the same situation differently. Our feelings are very personal and do not follow rules of logic. We can appraise the situation differently at different times based on our moods, level of stress and clarity of thought and consequently respond differently.

Our bodies talk

Our emotions help us communicate with others. Our facial expressions, for example, can convey a wide range of emotions. If we look sad or hurt, we are letting the other person know that we need their help. If we are verbally skilled we will be able to express more of our emotional needs and thereby have a better chance of filling them. If we are good at listening to the emotional needs of others, we are better able to help them feel understood, important and cared about. The emotionally intelligent person is able to read, with some degree of accuracy, the feelings conveyed non-verbally by those with whom he or she interacts.

While we can not change the situations we encounter, we can change the way we perceive them and use our intuition and emotional intelligence in a way that leads to a response which is a win for all parties concerned.

George Anderson, MSW, BCD, CAMF, CEAP
Diplomate, American Association of Anger Management Providers
Anderson & Anderson, The Trusted Name in Anger Management
http://www.andersonservices.com/
http://www.angertrends.blogspot.com/
http://www.linkedin.com/in/coachinganger
www.anger-management-resources.org