Executive Coaching/Anger Management: Emotional Intelligence

“A universal trigger for anger is the sense of being endangered. Endangerment can be signaled not just by an outright physical threat but also, as is more often the case, by a symbolic threat to self-esteem or dignity: being treated unjustly or rudely, being insulted or demeaned, being frustrated in pursuing an important goal.” (Goleman, 1995)

Emotional intelligence is a relatively recent concept, which is related to the ability to understand one’s own feelings and behavior as well as the capacity to sense the feelings and needs of others and to utilize this information in a way that enhances interpersonal relationships. Emotional Intelligence is also the capacity to create positive outcomes in our relationships with others and ourselves. Positive outcomes include joy, optimism, and success in work, school, and life. Increasing emotional intelligence has been correlated with better results in leadership, professional and academic, performance, marriage, friendships, and overall health.

Recognizing as well as understanding our feelings and emotions and then, managing their impact on other people must be practiced to internalize the skills being taught. We believe that it is important to take an interest in people and learn to listen to their views, problems and concerns. As previously learned in The Practice of Control, listening is important in communication and is a skill that can be learned as well as improved upon.

Emotional intelligence (EI) encompasses four domains:

1. Self-Awareness.
2. Self-Control.
3. Social-Awareness.
4. Relationship Management.

Self-awareness facilitates both empathy and self-control. Empathy and self- control combine to provide effective relationship management.

Self Awareness is the Foundation. Without self-awareness, we cannot be aware of our emotions. We cannot manage emotions we are not aware of, so our emotions will tend to be out of control. Out of control emotions impair our ability to experience empathy and to connect with others. When our emotions are out of control, our relationships suffer – we do not have social awareness or the ability for social management.

Emotions Are Our Guidance System. Nature developed our emotions over millions of years of evolution. As a result, our emotions have the potential to serve us today as a guidance system. Our emotions let us know when any natural human need is not being met. For example, when we feel lonely, our need for connection with other people is unmet. When we feel afraid, our need for safety is unmet. When we feel rejected, it is our need for acceptance that is unmet.

Perception Is Everything. The way we appraise (see) our environment at any given time is important in determining how we respond emotionally. If we appraise a situation as a threat, put-down, or an insult, we are more likely to respond with anger and negativity.

Thomas L. Wentz, Ph.D., C.A.M.F.
Faculty, Anderson and Anderson Anger Management