ANGER: WHAT’S GOING TO CONTROL THE HOTHEAD?

Contributed by: Sonia Brill on 9/10/2006

People in America are angry. We get angry at traffic jams, long lines, being on hold, confusing phone menus, bad weather-it doesn't take too much to get the juices flowing.

All of us have been here-angry-at one point or another. But anger takes on a new dimension when it reaches the home front.

Imagine you are trying to explain a point to your wife and the conversation quickly goes south. Soon, you are yelling and screaming to get her to listen. What happened? Why is it so hard to talk to her?

A few weeks later, you are in a therapist's office, explaining your situation. Even after the counseling sessions, the fighting endures. Anger is still alive and well, expressed in bitter words and accusations.Trying to navigate complex feelings of unresolved conflict resulting from poorly managed anger is no easy task. Anger can be one of the most frightening and complicated emotions we experience. For some, anger can be a seething cauldron that explodes if the conditions are ripe. For others, anger is not a loud, spectacular expression but a chronically irritable and grumpy disposition.

Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who have explosions of anger land themselves in trouble, enough to find themselves behind bars or charged with restraining orders. Others lose their marriage or job over the mismanagement of their anger.

What's Out There?

It would behoove angry people to not seek help. Oftentimes, we only seek counseling or an anger management group once we are mandated or if we are told to get help. However, with anger management books, CDs, DVDs, and classes popping up everywhere, who knows what works? It's a multi-million-dollar industry, colorfully packaged for consumers to be served by a host of entrepreneurs and experts who are anxious to teach the secrets of self-control.

George Anderson, president of Anderson & Anderson, a Los Angeles-based anger management firm and consultant for the movie Anger Management, has contracts with Los Angeles court systems, colleges, Fortune 500 companies, the military, and hospitals across the country."It should be a class," Anderson says.

Anderson, the first global anger management/executive coaching training provider, identifies that there are differences in programs as well as practices.

Today, many "practitioners" call themselves anger management counselors. Some of them hold degrees in psychology, to practice professionally, with varying skill proficiency; others have business degrees and claim to have the answers to anger management.

What's The Difference?

Anger X change is the only program of its kind in Denver/Boulder and the Colorado area that is a Certified Anderson Anger Management Program. This program uses The Anger Management Map, an assessment that scores, pinpoints, and measures emotional intelligence into skills that can be learned in order for participants to be successful at managing their anger. The skills covered in and measured by in the Anger Management Map have been identified as the key Emotional Intelligence skills needed in managing anger - Communication Styles, Empathy, Stress Management, Anger Management and Anger Control, Fear Management or Self-Defeating Communication Patterns, and Change Orientation, which is the degree of motivation to change.

Finally, there is a measurement that can guide the hothead from becoming too "hot." No more aimless classes or groups. This is clearly not a cookie-cutter approach. The information gleamed is priceless in determining a plan of action. It has been documented that a scored assessment such as the Anger Management Map is vital in determining and enhancing academic achievement, relationship success, professional success, and positive personal change.

The Anger X change program consists of The Anger Management Map and the Instructional Program, which includes a workbook containing four significant subsections, for effective anger control. The skills identified are augmented and taught, then taken beyond the Knowledge phase so they can be learned and practiced until they become a natural pattern.

Most of us know the risks of not getting help for our anger. Sometimes, however, we fool ourselves into believing that there won't be that "next episode" or that "he had it coming," justifying our action.

When It Is Time to Get Help

If your relationship is failing due to constant conflicts or your anger is affecting your work and other significant relationships, it is time to do something about it. Know the differences in the programs. First, ask questions and find out if your provider is trained, certified, and licensed in a mental health profession. Second, ask the provider if he or she is certified as a trained facilitator of anger management or a specialist. Although some programs have structured classes, most programs do not provide a measured assessment, ongoing self-assessments, or a post-course assessment.

Sonia Brill, LCSW, CAMF, owner of Anger X change, located in Denver, Colorado, is developing what will be a significant Anderson & Anderson service program for the RockyMountain region. Ms. Brill is an Executive Coach and a Certified Anger Management Facilitator. Visit the Anger X change Web site at http://www.angerxchange.com/ or send an e-mail to info@angerxchange.com.

--- Sonia Brill is a Diplomate member of the American Association of Anger Management Providers.